Joan Tait is a character appearing in Joan Is Awful. She is portrayed by Annie Murphy, Salma Hayek Pinault, and Kayla Lorette.
History[]
Joan went about her day as normal, going to work, where she fired Sandy. After work, she went to therapy, where she told Dr Atkinson that she felt like she wasn't the main character in her life. She said that her fiancé, Krish, was boring, but he was safe, which is why she started seeing him after Mac broke her heart. After that, Joan met up with Mac, who was in town for a few days and had asked to meet. At this meeting, he asked her to come back to San Jose with him and kissed her. When she got home, Joan lied and told Krish that a goodbye party had kept her out late.
Joan and Krish settled on the couch to watch something and saw that Streamberry had a new series called "Joan Is Awful." Joan was horrified to realize it was based on her life, though she initially tried to deny it. She tried to defend herself as the TV version of her did horrible things. Krish believed her until it got to the part where she told her therapist that Krish was boring. Krish got up and started packing his things to leave. She tried to stop him, but then the scene of her kissing Mac came on. She still tried to tell Krish it wasn't real but was unable to show him her phone to prove she hadn't been texting Mac.
The next morning, Joan went to work to find that everyone had seen the show and was talking about it. She was further surprised when she was fired, which Eric said was due to her breaking her contract by talking about the data servers and the algorithm that Sandy was writing. Even though Joan said it wasn't her, she was escorted out of the building.
Joan went home and watched more of "Joan Is Awful." Then she met with her lawyer, who told her she'd agreed to it when she joined Streamberry and accepted their terms and conditions and therefore couldn't sue them. She asked about Salma Hayek, but the lawyer explained that it was actually just her digital likeness, meaning they could make her do whatever they wanted. Her lawyer said the contract was watertight, so she advised Joan to try to ignore the show.
Joan went to see Mac and they kissed. They moved to Mac's bed, but he said he couldn't get hard. He was worried about everyone seeing them on the show and being picked on for being the guy who couldn't get hard for Salma Hayek. Joan said that she didn't ask to be a public figure any more than he did. Joan left the bed and went to watch the show, which gave her an idea.
Joan ate a large amount of fast food, then drank a whole bottle of laxative. Then she went to a church wearing a cheerleading outfit with a lipstick penis on her face. She interrupted a wedding and defecated on the floor of the church, horrifying everyone. Joan was arrested, but just laughed and said that Salma Hayek was going to hate that.
Salma Hayek came to Joan's place, where Joan explained that she'd done what she did in order to get Salma Hayek to help her take Streamberry down. They decided that Mona Javadi, the CEO of Streamberry, was the real bad guy and vowed to take her and the quamputer generating the show down. The article said that it was stored near Mona's office and Salma could just walk in the front door of Streamberry because of her status.
Once Salma got in, she let Joan in, and they made their way through the building. They overheard Mona talking to reporter Fatima Klaas about the show and the technology that allowed it to happen. Finally, they found the room where the quamputer was stored. Beppe was in there and tried to call security, only stopping when Salma threatened to break his arm if he did. When Joan noticed that his screen didn't show Salma playing her, he explained that what was on the monitor was what Source Joan saw. She wasn't the source, but just actor Annie Murphy's likeness playing Joan in fictive level one, like Salma Hayek played her in fictive level two. They were all just being tricked into believing it was real. Joan angrily slapped Beppe, knocking him out and allowing them to use his access to get to the quamputer.
Joan hesitated before breaking the quamputer. Mona came in and said that if she broke it, she'd destroy all the fictive levels above them, billions of souls who believed themselves to be real. Salma then tried to stop her from destroying it, but Joan said that she couldn't. If she was there, that meant Source Joan had been there before her and had done everything she was about to do. It wasn't really her decision. She took the axe and repeatedly hit the quamputer, causing everything around her to disappear.
Source Joan and actress Annie Murphy then celebrated their success. Joan was arrested.
Later, Joan told her therapist she was dating again and taking it slow. She finally felt like the main character in her life. She had a new job where she was her own boss and treated her staff well. She was still on house arrest, which came with good days and bad days.
Joan went to work at Joan's Coffee, her new coffee shop, where Annie Murphy, also on house arrest, stopped in to see her and get coffee.
Relationships[]
She dated Mac for two years. She said he was exciting because it was nonstop sex, but it didn't work out between them. After Mac broke her heart, she dated Krish, who was boring, but safe. They became engaged despite this, though things ended between them when Krish learned that she found him boring and had kissed Mac.
After they were both arrested for breaking into Streamberry headquarters and breaking the quamputer, she and Annie Murphy became friends as they served their house arrest together.
Career[]
She worked at Sonicle as the Orange Squad Leader until she was fired because the television show exposed sensitive company data, a violation of Joan's contract. Later, she opened her own coffee shop, a long-time dream of hers.
Notes and Trivia[]
- She was shown in the source, fictive level one, and fictive level two.
Gallery[]
